broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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