i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
