I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my liver is dry heaving
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
