i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He passed out mid-signature
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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