Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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