It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
