so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
