I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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