I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize