since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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