I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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