Your tits are I can't wait for
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You need a sexual gate keeper
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
