hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
