So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
