Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
