What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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