I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
