His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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