just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
