party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i already hear my dad disowning me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
