No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
