I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
