Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
