just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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