then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
