he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
