I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
wrigley field is MILF paradise
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
