Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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