i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
