Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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