i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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