That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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