My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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