There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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