I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
