i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize