Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
