I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
