Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
