we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize