Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
