My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
