Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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