cat food counts as protein by the way
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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