Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Vodka?
Forever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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