I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
