And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
