after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
