her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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