Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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