I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
