my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
