Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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