I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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