Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
