Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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