Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
