i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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