the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
