I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
