Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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