JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize