I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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