i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
