im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
