I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize