respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
