U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
