she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
