we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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