i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize