drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
