You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
