Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I came so hard my ears popped.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
