the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
