he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
