she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize