did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
