I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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