I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
