Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
