I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
