Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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