uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
