RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
