I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
