she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
