I hope mine doesn't look like that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
