You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
