I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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