We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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