Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
