Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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