Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
