having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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