Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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