I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
