im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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