why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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