i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
