Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize